For the One I Love:
A Guide to Being Prepared
Fill it out now, so the person you love has somewhere to begin later.
For the One I Love is an 8.5" × 11" workbook designed to help you gather important information, share your wishes, and start conversations with the people you love before that information is needed. Created from author and grief guide Emilie Lancour’s experience after the sudden death of her husband, Steve, it gives loved ones a place to begin when grief makes an already complicated process even harder.
Why Emilie Created It
When Emilie’s husband, Steve, died unexpectedly at age 42 following what had been expected to be routine surgery, she suddenly found herself widowed and parenting three children, ages 17, 15, and 11.
Along with the shock and grief came an enormous practical responsibility.
Emilie began carrying a little yellow notebook. Inside was a list of 37 different places she needed to contact following Steve’s death.
And every place seemed to require something different.
Some needed specific documentation. Some required a death certificate, while others accepted a copy. There were accounts to change, bills to update, financial institutions to contact and information to locate. One bank required an entirely new account, which meant changing automatic payments connected to the old one. A credit card for which Emilie had only been an authorized user was canceled, leaving her to establish credit in her own name.
Even though Emilie had handled much of the financial and bill-paying responsibility in their household, navigating everything after Steve died was overwhelming.
She kept thinking about people who might not even know where their spouse banked, how the household bills were paid, what accounts existed, or where important information was stored.
Her first response to that experience was a resource called My Spouse Died, Now What?
But eventually Emilie realized something important:
The best time to gather this information isn't after someone dies. It's before.
That realization became For the One I Love.
Emilie also dedicates the book in part to her friend Tracy, who died unexpectedly at only 35 years old. Tracy wasn't facing a known terminal illness. She lay down for a nap one Saturday afternoon and didn't wake up.
Steve was only 42.
Their deaths reinforced something Emilie wishes more families would talk about: preparation isn't only for people who are elderly or seriously ill.
We don't know when the people we love will need the information we leave behind.
Completing For the One I Love is one way to care for them now.
Why It Matters
After someone dies, grief doesn't put everyday responsibilities on hold.
There are still phone calls to make, accounts to handle, paperwork to complete, decisions to make and a life that somehow has to continue.
Doing some of that work ahead of time leaves your loved ones with more space for what matters—grieving, remembering, laughing, sharing stories, and eventually noticing moments of joy—instead of spending months searching for information and completing paperwork.
Preparing for death doesn't mean that we stop living.
It means we acknowledge that grief and joy coexist, that our lives and relationships matter, and that we can care for the people we love even when we are no longer here to help them ourselves.
Who It's For
For the One I Love is designed for adults of all ages—not only older adults or people facing illness.
It can be especially helpful for:
- Individuals who want to organize important information for their loved ones
- Couples who want to begin conversations about their wishes and practical affairs
- Parents who want to make things easier for their children or other family members
- People creating or updating wills and powers of attorney
- People thinking about end-of-life and funeral wishes
- People organizing financial, insurance, household and personal information
- Widows, widowers and others who have experienced a loss and don't want their loved ones to face the same confusion they experienced
- Anyone who keeps thinking, “My family will figure it out,” but would rather give them somewhere to begin
Ideally, each adult has their own copy. Even partners who share a household may have different accounts, vehicles, insurance, financial information, digital accounts and wishes.
What It Is
For the One I Love is an 8.5" × 11" guided workbook that provides one central location for information your loved ones may eventually need.
The Second Edition includes organized sections covering areas such as:
Final wishes • My people • Insurance • Finances • Household • Social media and digital services • Pets • Veterans information • Small-business information • Additional personal information
Individual pages provide structured spaces for important details and for recording what happens later when an organization is contacted, including contact information, dates, representatives spoken with, documentation requirements and notes.
The workbook also includes:
- An introduction and instructions for using the book
- A table of contents
- Numbered pages for easier navigation
- Space for additional information that may be unique to your life
- Room for loved ones to record information as they make contacts
- A separate “My Story” section sharing Emilie's experiences with the organizations and situations she encountered following Steve's death
The goal isn't to predict every situation.
It's to provide a starting point.
How to Use It
You don't have to complete For the One I Love in one sitting.
Start with one section.
If you have a spouse or partner, consider sitting down together. Talk about the information you're recording instead of simply filling in blanks. Complete another section the next day and gradually work through the book over a week or two.
Those conversations may be as valuable as the information you write down.
Talk about your final wishes. Talk about where important documents are stored. Discuss wills and powers of attorney. Make sure the people who may eventually need to handle your affairs know what exists and where they can find it.
Then come back to the workbook regularly.
Consider setting a reminder every three to six months to review it and update information that has changed.
The goal isn't perfection.
The goal is to make sure the person you love doesn't have to start from nothing.
An Act of Love
Completing this workbook may not be the easiest conversation you have with the people you love.
But it can be one of the most loving.
You're saying:
I know someday you may have to do this without me. I can't take away your grief, but I can make part of what comes next a little easier.
That's what For the One I Love is ultimately about.
It's a way to continue caring for your people even when you're no longer there to answer their questions.
How to Access It
The Second Edition of For the One I Love will be available through Amazon.
Copies will also be available directly from Emilie Lancour at select Calm Water Writing events.
Organizations and professionals interested in providing copies to clients, patients, families or community members may contact Emilie directly to discuss bulk purchases.
Potential bulk partners include hospice and end-of-life organizations, funeral homes, estate-planning and legal professionals, financial and insurance professionals, senior and aging organizations, grief-support organizations, churches and other groups helping individuals and families prepare for the future.their questions.
Price
Second Edition: $20.00
Bulk pricing: Contact Emilie / Calm Water Writing
Important Note
For the One I Love is an organizational and conversation-starting resource based in part on Emilie Lancour's personal experience following the death of her husband. It is not a substitute for legal, financial, insurance, estate-planning, funeral or other professional advice.
Consult the appropriate professionals when making decisions about your individual circumstances.
Because a completed workbook may contain private personal and account information, keep it in a secure location. Make sure at least one trusted person knows that the workbook exists and where it can be found if it is needed.